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Free Book Reviews Blogoversary Interview: RJ Palmer |Free Book Reviews

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Blogoversary Interview: RJ Palmer

During all of 2012 I was so busy with life that I was unable to pay any real attention to my blog and it’s purpose. I still made posts but not with the fervor of the prior year. Now that I am coming up on my anniversary of starting this blog and my life has become somewhat less cluttered I can start to give it a little more attention. I wanted to kick off this year with something new and fun but I also wanted a chance to give authors a way to shout out to readers. This blogs last anniversary I tried to get authors to give away a digital copy of their book and saw some success with that. However this year I do not want to just have authors giving away books to entice readers into checking them out. Therefore, I invite authors to host me on their blog, website or venue to ask me any questions they feel like asking. I would also like it if they would gift one copy of their paperback to the first person to comment on that post. If there are any authors that would like to participate that would be awesomesauce. But wait there is more. Below you will find some crazy questions that I would like to present to those authors willing to host me. Please copy and paste these questions, answer them and then email it as an attachment to me at arobbins 78 @ gmail dot com. Along with the questions provide me with all the links you can imagine and an excerpt of your book if you would like. Don’t be bashful, the world already knows you are crazy, that is why you write books anyway. After I get the answers to the below I will post them in the order received.

Today I have the Head Wingnut in Charge RJ Palmer (my wife). If you want to know more about why I am the way I am read on. If you are unsure then stop now and go back from whence you came. Fair Warning!

So take it away my Wingnut...

Free Book Reviews
If we are supposed to be red with anger, would a Smurf turn purple?

RJ Palmer
Yes! It’s smurfy to see and better than fifty shades of gray. Wait a minute…Smurfs get angry??!! I’ve been lied to!

Free Book Reviews
How many times do you use the word “at” in your latest book?

RJ Palmer
At least once that I know of. As for the rest…Well, I just got bored.

Free Book Reviews
You are endowed with the job of creating one word to describe all human emotions in one word. What word would you create and why?

RJ Palmer
Do you realize that the Department of Redundancy Department has the word “department” in it twice? Wait a minute, hold the phone or something like that. I was endowed? Am I well endowed?  YAY! I wanna be well endowed…Okay, disregard that rather insane statement for just a moment and forget what I just said. Do you realize that the Department of Redundancy Department has the word “department” in it twice?

Free Book Reviews
If our time is “my time” plus “your time” then why do we not get twice as much time to complete a task together?

RJ Palmer
Because my time is valuable and I waste it well enough all by myself which is kind of a stupid statement when you think about it carefully. Just don’t think about it that much because you gave me entirely too much of your time just reading THIS!

Free Book Reviews
Make a sentence out of the following words. (it has to make sense)
a. Additional
b. Subjected
c. Silence
d. Scoundrel
e. Systematic

RJ Palmer
Have you ever heard of onomotopeoia? It’s the repetition of a beginning consonant sound in a sentence. And when you pronounce it, you have to say “pee-uh”…But don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself. Come on, you can do it…I’ll watch and laugh when you try to say onomotopeoia with a straight face after I just pointed out that you’re saying “pee”.

Okay, now to get serious and all that happy jazz.

In silence, the scoundrel was systematic as he subjected additional scoundrels to systematic silence.

Say that seventy three times fast and see how much of my time and your time we’ve wasted together…

Free Book Reviews
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie-pop?

RJ Palmer
Do you realize that your tongue turns brown when you eat a red and then a blue and then a purple tootsie pop? While you’re sugar rushing from that…Count the licks and average them! It might not do much good, but you’ll keep yourself occupied for awhile. Just don’t try to test that by eating all three at once unless you want me to watch you slobber all over the place. Wait a minute; that might be funny. Carry on.


Free Book Reviews
You walk into a bathroom and someone left a book laying there. What is the title and why?

RJ Palmer
Something by H.P. Lovecraft because it’ll scare the crap out of them! Okay, bad pun and you can feel free to groan loudly and give a nice face palm for it. When you have a giant red handprint across your face and I’m laughing myself silly for it; that might help things along, too. Just saying…

Free Book Reviews
You get abducted by aliens. Where do they take you and why?

RJ Palmer
I keep hearing the theme from Doctor Who in my head, and now I’m all excited. I can’t quite figure out why…Did you realize he managed to fit a swimming pool in the TARDIS?

Okay, the scoundrels are frowning at me in a systematic fashion and it’s just smurfy!

Free Book Reviews
You wake up somewhere strange completely naked. Why?
Because it wouldn’t be any fun to wake up somewhere strange completely clothed! Define strange because I want to know what strange is. I could wake up in Timbuktu OR on Mars in which case I would be dead. That explains a LOT!

RJ Palmer
Do I have a tootsie pop and did I count the licks that it took to get to the center?

Free Book Reviews
You have to give a deaf, dyslexic directions to your next book signing. How do you accomplish this?

RJ Palmer
You know what would be even worse? If the deaf dyslexic was suddenly struck blind!! Riddle me that! Can’t hear, can’t read AND can’t see? The poor schmuck! Otherwise, it’s quite simple, write ‘em out and turn it upside down. Why didn’t I think of that?

Free Book Reviews
Finish this joke. An aardvark, moose and platypus enter a bar…

RJ Palmer
HA HA HA! Oh, wait…I’M supposed to finish the joke. Oops! My bad…Well, crud. I haven’t actually been serious this entire time so if I’m going to bust out with a joke, expect it to be a groan fest.

Okay, gimme a minute on this one…

Free Book Reviews
Why is it that when people are asked what they would take with them to a deserted island, no one says “boat”?

RJ Palmer
Because the aardvark, the moose and the platypus entered a bar…

And on another note, doesn’t everyone realize that you can make anything with a ready supply of duct tape and super glue? Just don’t expect to be able to swim with that much weight on you. Soooo, it stands to reason that if you don’t have a boat and you’ve already drowned because you tried to swim to a deserted island with a bunch of duct tape and super glue strapped to your back…Did you super glue the duct tape to your back? Because that might hurt when you try to take it off…

Oh well, I guess the best answer is that you should take a deck of playing cards because when you play solitaire, everyone and their grandmother will show up to tell you what move to make next…Problem solved!

Free Book Reviews
If the fans of Doctor Who are called “whovians” and Whos come from Whoville, are they one in the same?

RJ Palmer
Yes, and have you SEEN some of the ridiculous hairstyles that come out of Whoville? Good Lord! Kind of reminds me of the faux hawk…Did I even spell that right? At any rate, now the TARDIS has a swimming pool AND ridiculous hairstyles. The Doctor and the Ood are absolutely livid…

Free Book Reviews
You are allowed only one word from now on to use to describe everything. What word would you choose and why?

RJ Palmer
Bimbleflitz…Bimbleflitz bimbleflitz bimbleflitz bimbleflitz.

Well, you did say I was only allowed one word from now on.

Do smurfs ever manage to turn orange at any given time?

Free Book Reviews
Does a Timex really take licking to keep on ticking?

RJ Palmer
Who let the dogs out? Did your Timex get caught in the latch on the gate and if you’re going to go around licking your watch, that’s your business and whatever blows your hair back.

Just one more question, did you count the licks that it took to get to the center of those three tootsie pops and did it turn your Timex brown when you licked it? Weirdo…

Free Book Reviews
How can Nationwide really be on everyone’s side?

RJ Palmer
They licked the Timex didn’t they??? And what are you doing holding your watch out for everyone to lick? That’s just icky!

You know, diamonds have facets and there’s more than one side to every story so I’ll ask; was your insurance agent wearing a diamond ring while telling a story and licking a Timex? That’s how…

Free Book Reviews
You wake up in the kitchen, chocolate syrup and whipped crème everywhere. Explain yourself.

RJ Palmer
Before and after phrase…Death by chocolate hangover. The whipped cream was just a bonus and now there’s the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop stuck in my hair. I guess that answers that question…

On another note, the platypus is now wasted and the moose is playing Duck Hunter. The aardvark has horrible taste in music and I know because he’s trying to sing karaoke and emptied a roll of quarters into the jukebox. True story…

Free Book Reviews
If Einstein is right and the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results, would that not make sex insane?

RJ Palmer
Only if the results are the same as the different results you were expecting. Even then, as long as you concentrate on that Timex while trying to tread water and soften the super glue on your back to get the duct tape off, you should be just fine. Why is the moose drinking Mudslides and holy crap! There’s no cell service on this deserted island! Back to solitaire…

Free Book Reviews
How much was that puppy in the window?

RJ Palmer
Bimbleflitz plus tax. Hope you got a home again chip in that puppy because he’s got a waggly tail and the deserted island has no boat. He chewed up your shoes and your deck of cards because he’s teething and duct tape makes a lousy leash. I guess solitaire’s out now…You’re stuck unless you can get that blind and deaf dyslexic to read because you can Google directions to anywhere.

Einstein is now laughing at you because you were slobbering over Mudslides, tootsie pops and salt water while trying to systematically lick a Timex and tread water with duct tape super glued to your back. Good luck! You might try to give Nationwide a call with the cell phone that doesn’t work because you’ve got no bars. You can call 911 from anywhere but honestly, I’d take the tootsie roll pops out of my mouth first if I were you…They might not understand a word you’re saying with that blasted aardvark singing off key karaoke and the puppy chewing up your deck of cards. Just saying…

Free Book Reviews
Congrats, you made it to the last question. Why?

RJ Palmer
Bimbleflitz…Enough said.

Now that you have finished the test you may proceed to hawking your wares. Please be kind and assault our imaginations with your words. For those who do not know it INDIE AUTHORS ROCK. For more things INDIE please visit IWU on Facebook.

For more 12 kinds of crazy with this Wingnut find her blog at bimbleflitz or her books at bimbleflitz. She is also currently giving away 5 print copies of Sins of the Father on GoodReads.



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